


That's the kinda heartbreak time could never mend

by Lenasjk



Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: (kinda), F/M, Fate & Destiny, Love Confessions, Past Relationship(s), Realization, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-16
Updated: 2019-11-16
Packaged: 2021-02-07 10:43:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21456748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lenasjk/pseuds/Lenasjk
Summary: Gilbert finds Marilla's letters to John.
Relationships: Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley, John Blythe/Marilla Cuthbert
Comments: 9
Kudos: 114





	That's the kinda heartbreak time could never mend

**Author's Note:**

> My heart aches for Marilla and John. It's the love story never told, but I wanted to give it a try.  
I thought their history would help Gilbert to realize what he feels.

Gilbert was looking for his father old tie in the attic. It was an old one from his father's youth. Plain green, but it was his favourite and John only wore it when he had something important to do. He used to say that even though the tie never brought him luck when he needed it the most, it was given to him with that intention, therefore it deserved to be wore. Gilbert thought the tie would match perfectly with the clothes he wanted to wear when he would propose to Winnie, but was losing hope after he didn't find it in his father's stuff. Then he remembered that the tie had a special place, somewhere in the attic, because John was afraid that otherwise in would get lost in the closet. So now Gilbert was looking thorugh some old cabinets where maybe - if he's lucky - the tie laid. 

The cabinet wasn't big so he could easily see through most of it in the few minutes. Of course the tie was in the last shelf he looked. When Gilbert opened it he got excited that after an hour of looking for it he finally found it, but then he paused, because he noticed the tie laid on the top of letters. He put them out and there were at least dozen of them, all adressed to his father. At first he thought he shouldn't peep, but what if was something important that he should know about?

He sat on the floor with his back to the cabinet and pulled the top letter out of its pile. It wasn't very long:

_Dear John_

_I am deeply sorry, but my answer is a no. It is finale._

_Please, don't write to me anymore, I will not respond. Please, don't seek me, I will not change my mind._

_I hope some day you will be able to forgive me. _

_Marilla_

"Marilla? As in Marilla Cuthbert?" Gilbert said out loud before he could stop himself. Avonlea is a small town, he knew his father and Marilla must had known each other, but he never thought they were close. He couldn't contain his curiosity, or rather his nosiness, and picked next letter and read it too and then he read all of them.

*

_Dear John_

_I already said what I think. I won't change my mind. I thought you would understand that right now our past engagement cannot have a place. But you still suggested I would leave with you?!_

_I can't believe you thought I would do something like that! Especially now. Leaving my family? My young brother who almost stopped talking because he's grieving so much? My home when right now I am the only one who takes care of it? John, I don't know what to think. I wish the times were different. That I could leave with you and see all the places we've always talked about, but the times aren't different. My family needs me, what daughter and sister I would be if I left them? Left them for you? I would die of shame if I did that. _

_I love you. I want to be with you. And I am aware that once I wanted what you did, but right now you and me have different views of our lives, different values. Maybe... maybe if you come back and still... _

_But nevertheless, I will not leave my family. Not even for you. _

_I'm sorry._

_Marilla_

*

_Dearest John_

_I am so grateful I have you. I think you did good with not coming to Green Gables, even though I have missed you so much. It's tense and there's so much sadness right now. But at the same time, I can't let myself be sad, there's so much to do but no one to actually do it. Matthew tries to hold himself, but I am not able to even talk with with, because he doesn't speak..._

_Oh, John. I can't take this anymore. I wish I could just be young and free and laugh and dance with you in the orchard, but it seems to me as if there won't be happiness in my life anymore. _

_But yes, I will meet you in our place tomorrow evening. I can't wait to see you and to hear what is so important that you coudn't place in a letter. _

_But I also want to talk with you. About our plans. I hope you won't hold it against me._

_Till tomorrow._

_Yours, Marilla_

*

_(...)I lost my brother, I don't know what to do (...)_

_(...) Please don't come home because of me. I can't see you right now. I have to be strong and with you here I'm afraid I won't be able to. I would let you comfort me and (...)_

_(...I will see you in a month (...)_

_(...) love (...)_

_(...) everything changed so fast (...)_

_(...) miss you (...)_

_(...) it can't last forver (...)_

_(...)_

_Marilla._

__

*

_Dearest John_

_I just said goodbye to you and I'm already writing the letter. But I won't see you for two months with you leaving for businnes and there can so much happen in that time! Maybe Rachel will already be with another child? Maybe you will find in Queens some other girl and will never even think of me? I am laughing at that, I'm sorry, I know you do not find that funny, my love. But to prevent that I have something for you. In this letter you will find a tie. It's very plain, I'm sorry, but when I saw the green fabric I thought it would look good on you, forgive me my honesty. Also, I wanted to give you something that would remind you of me and home for such a long time. Ever since the day you gave me my blue ribbon. _

_I hope next time I see you, you will wear it. I belive it will be your lucky tie, something tells me that the question you want to ask me after you get back will be answered without much hesitation. _

_Have a good journey. I will be waiting for you._

_Love, Marilla. _

*

There were more of them, more carefree, from when Marilla and Gilbert's father didn't have to worry about their later dilemma. Marilla talked in them about their past conversations and dreams. About how much she loved him, how she can't wait to tell her family that they decided to offically court. They were going to travel around the country, maybe futher, if the business in Queens were good. 

And it was. Gilbert didn't find it in the letter, but from his father when he was still alive. John left in his early twenties, traveled like he always wanted, then came back to Queens where he met Gilbert's mother. They fell in love and because his mother had poor health they decided to settle in Avonlea. His father said once that even though he felt the most free while traveling, Avonlea always had this invisible pull for him and because of that he could never truly leave it. Also, his wife loved the island. He buried her in here and didn't want to leave after that. 

Gilbert was confused. John never spoko of Marilla. Of course, sometimes he would say things like he isn't surprised her dish won the first place at the fair or she missed Sunday mass... But that couldn't possibly mean... Could it? Gilbert looked at the green tie in his hand. Before he realized he was already on his way to Green Gables. 

*

He walked into the house without knocking. He even thought that was rude and he should withdraw to the door and knock, but then Marilla came into the hall.

"My god" she said. "Gilbert! What is the meaning of thi-" she cut when she noticed letters and a tie in his hands. She paled and for a few second Gilbert thought she stopped breathing but then she took a deep breath, mumbled something about liqueur and went to the kitchen without saying another word. 

Gilbert followed her and when he sat at the table, Marilla also poured him a glass of cherry liqueur. 

For a moment no one talked. Gilbert hold his glass but didn't take a sip and Marilla stared at the things he brought that were lying now on the table. Finally, he broke the silence:

"Marilla... Can I ask..." Gilbert sighed. "Could you please tell what happened between you and my father? I know more or less from your letters, but I never even thought you two were more than neibourghs. Forgive me if I'm being harsh, I-"

"No, don't apologise" Marilla said. She looked a little bit better and finally looked at him. "I can, of course tell you everything, but please don't ask question before I finish becasue I don't think I can bare them." 

"Of course."

"John and I... Your father and I knew each other almost our whole lives. It would be hard not to, here in Avonlea," she laughed. "We became fast friends. Kindred spirits, like would Anne said. Then, after few months, John said he loved me and I realized I loved him too. Your father had big plans for his life, you know? He didn't want to stay here and work at the farm, he wanted to be something else, something big. He had a deal with people from Queens that he would rent his land and then they would pay him to travel whole country to do business. He was smart and curious of the world. And... And he wanted to take me with him. I did want that. We had a relationship that was only between us for a few weeks, I know it was not proper but we knew that when our offical courting began we would never have that much privacy," Marilla blushed and Gilbert moved his glass towards her, but she shook her head. 

"So we decided that after he gets back from his final trip to Queens before starting his actual journey, we will tell my family, then we would court and at the end of spring we would have the wedding. I was so happy," she wiped off a tear that Gilbert pretended he didn't see. "But shortly after he left my brother died. I had to take care of everything, here at the Green Gables. At first I didn't even wanted to write to him, I thought that in a couple of months he would be back. Now I think I didn't want to tell him, because I knew our plans would... vanish. I couldn't leave home. Not then, not ever. 

After he came back he wanted to continue the courtship, but how could I? I just lost my brother and even though my heart wanted nothing more than to say yes to him... I said no. I don't think he ever forgave me breaking not only his, but both of our hearts. He knew I wanted to say yes, but but my loyalty to my family was stronger. Or maybe I just got scared... I don't know anymore. So that's it. Even after he got back, we pretended like nothing happened between us. It was for the best."

They sat in silence. In Gilbert's head there was one question that he needed an answer for. 

"My parents," he started. "Or rather my mom, did she...?" Know. He wanted to finished but his throat got dry and he cut himself. Marilla stood and poured him a glass of water. She didn't wait for him to finish the question. 

"I don't know what John told her. She was always very polite to me. Nice even. I'm sorry I can't tell you more. But I can tell you that your father loved your mother, he loved her so much."

"How do you know?" He whispered.

Marilla looked at him with a sad smile, "Becuase he looked at her like he used to look at me." 

Before he could even think of reply they heard laughing from the yard. Anne was just getting back from somewhere and was joking with Jerry.

"Does Anne know?" 

"Oh no, she doesn't," Marilla hesitated for a second. "Could you please not tell her for a little while? I don't want to keep it a secret from her, but I also don't think I can speak of it again."

"Of course," Gilbert stood up. "I should get going, Bash will wonder where I am." He looked at the letters and green tie and the table. He picked up only the tie. 

"Thank you, Miss Cuthbert. For telling me. The letters are yours, I wouldn't feel good with keeping them from you. Good bye."

"Good bye. And thank you, Gilbert."

*

When Gilbert was leaving he walked by Anne who was walking towards the house. She was surprised to see him and he didn't want to lie to her so he raised the tie in his hand and told her he wanted to ask Marilla about it. Fortunately Anne didn't ask any question and just focused on the tie. 

"Oh my," she cried. "This is the most extraordinary shade of green I have ever seen! It's so beautiful!"

Gilbert laughed "Anne, it's just an old, plain, green tie."

Anne rolled her eyes at him which made him smile even more.

"Maybe," she said. "Or maybe you can't just see what I see." Suddenly she smiled brightly at him. "But Gilbert, look at that green! Don't you think it's the same green Green Gables drowns in in the spring? It's so-"

"Anne" Jerry yelled from the barn. "You promised to help me!"

"Coming! I'm sorry for taking your time, Gil-Gilbert," she smiled once more and run away from him. 

Gilbert thought he didn't like the sight of that.

**Author's Note:**

> I know I kinda baited you with the Shirbert tag even though there's almost nothing, I'm sorry! Maybe I will expand it in ch.2?
> 
> Anyway, thoughts?
> 
> Also, please feel free to call out any spelling/grammar mistakes because I haven't wirtten in English for years now.


End file.
